Emotional Wasteland; how to tear down the stronghold defence

I've been living in an emotional wasteland for more than 15 years. It doesn't mean that I don't feel anything, it only means that I've been forbidding myself to let a particular set of negative feelings affect my life. Of course, it didn't go as planned, I did feel a lot of stuffs, but by denying those feeling, I created a situation where I forgot how to recognise them. [...]